It's Saturday morning, and I think I have been swept by a tide of emotions this morning. This is the place to unburden these thoughts, because I know it is only read by a few people.
I have spend just about all my time, for the past week, in this room, with Lil and the kittens. I have not left the house, apart from a couple of trips into the garden to see to bunny.
I think I have been so intense because of the way the birth went. Having lost 2 kittens at the birth, and the fact that some of these babies were very small when I brought them home from the vets, terrified me. I was so very determined NOT to lose another, that I set up the vigil with Lily. Although this was necesary, because she would not sit with them, unless I was very close.
She has settled down nicely now, but she still does not want me far away. She will stay here with others, but the minute she hears my voice, she shouts to me, and leaps out to come and greet me.
How can you compare that sort of love and devotion. I know this is a special bond, that I am honoured to have.
But the intensity of emotions this week, has left me totally drained.
Last night I slept little. Too many thoughts buzzing around in my head, and these babies are getting mobile.
I am sure they spent the night waddling around the box, this upsets Lil, as she likes them nice a quiet........she is grumbling and asking me to help her out, they are squeaking and waddling everywhere.
Then, just to top it all, Rich had left his i pod and mobile phone in here, both with alarms set. One at 06:30 and the other ay 07:00. Tim was sleeping in here with me, and we both swore........
Bless Timothy, he told me that he wasn't tired, and told me to get into the bed, and he was going to sit by Lil.
Golly, did that feel good to grab an hours sleep.
I confess, that when Rich came in a bit later, He sat on the bed, gave me a hug, and I shed a few tears. He told me to stay in bed all day!!!
What would I do without Rich and Tim. So I have had lots of hugs from them this morning. Apart from my cats, they are the most important things in my life, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.
I am really feeling this morning, that maybe, I need a break from breeding. It feels unfair on the boys, that I have to take so very much time out, when I should also be spending time with them. I don't know if I can keep going through this tiredness, when I have so many others to look after.
I don't do self pity. Ok, I allow myself to feel low, as sometimes it is necesary to let the emotions work through. But then it is important to channel the strength of those emotions, into something positive.
So I have had my couple of hours feeling tired and down, and now it is time, to take the day, head on, and make something good out of it.
Golly, I am tired though! And this tiredness, is making me behave in irrational ways sometimes. Sorry for those on the receivng end!!!
I just had a love cuddle from Gollum.
I love my cats, no matter what I do, no matter if I get things wrong, they never get cross with me, never hold a grudge, always have a purr and cuddle and love me because I am me. We, as humans, could learn so much from them.
Right, I have rambled on enough this morning!! Time to sign off
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